Parking & Infrastructure Damage 8200 Block of Apricot

This problem exists



BECAUSE this truck (photo taken in 2013) has been parking on the greenspace
AND the storm drain since the drainage repairs were completed.


While we wait for repairs a new truck now parks in the 2700 block Dante at the corner of Apricot.
Eventually this bit of infrastructure will end up needing repairs as well.



NOTHING will CHANGE without PARKING ENFORCEMENT.

New Orleans and Drainage

It's a SYSTEM. It doesn't work when too many parts are broken.

And lots of parts are broken, above and beyond the pumps and the turbines.

Catch Basins not kept clean by the people who live on the street.
Catch Basins not mucked out by the city.
The city paving such that very little space is left for water to get into the Catch Basins.

People consistently breaking the laws like:
Littering which blocks up the Catch Basins,
Blowing leaf litter and grass cuttings into the storm drains,
Parking on the greenspace between the sidewalk and the street which grinds off the grass and lets dirt flow into the Catch Basins and reduces the ability of the compacted ground to absorb, and, if parked on, can damage the catch basins,
Paving front yards,
Over paving period.

And things not done that do help absorb water like:
Planting trees,
Holding water on your property whether it's taking advantage of deep Arts and Crafts eaves to live without gutters so the water doesn't run straight to the street or rain barrels and rain gardens,
Using new technology to create more permeable surfaces.

When we forget it's a SYSTEM and we allow incompetence and malfeasance we get what we got.

Healthy Catch Basins and 311

This is what a healthy catch basin looks like:
Greenspace not parked on,
Trees,
Clear of debris,
And most importantly: FLOWING.

If you see a catch basin surrounded by water today it is either because:
it is the lowest spot in the area (note the area in the background),
it is blocked and you can clear the blockage (and why not littering is important),
Or the city needs to MUCK out the catch basin.

Today is the day to do this assessment in your neighborhood.
If you see a problem be specific with the street address and call it in to 311
or better yet send a photo and an email to 311@nola.gov.
You don't see the problem when it's dry.


 

Healthy Catch Basin - no city installed curb

This is an example of a healthy catch basin.

Kudos to my neighbors who
Cleaned out the catch basin,
Cleaned off the street in front of the catch basin including edging the grassy area and then added bricks to keep the edges clean and the water FLOWING.

This street does not have a CURB installed by the city.

Parking between the sidewalk and the street

"... Sect 146-531 defines the sidewalk as “the portion of the street between the curblines or the lateral lines of a roadway and the adjacent property lines intended for use by pedestrians”.  A curbline is the edge where a raised curb meets a street or other roadway.  From an engineering perspective, the actual raised curbs are not intended for or designed to support vehicles parking on them.  Based on the how “sidewalk” is defined in the City code, the design/intent of a curb from an engineering perspective (and to prevent damage to our curbs) and our established practice for enforcement, parking on the curb or anywhere between the curbline and adjacent property line is illegal per Sect 154-923(a)(1).  Per Sect 154-923(a)(6), parking within 20 feet of an intersection is also illegal.  Signage is not required in either instance for enforcement.  I will have my parking enforcement staff inspect this location for possible illegal parking.

Regards,

Mark D. Jernigan, P.E., PMP, LTC (Ret)

Director, Department of Public Works

City of New Orleans

1300 Perdido St, Suite 6W03

New Orleans, LA 70112

Office: 504-658-8000

Fax: 504-658-8007

Hold On...I'm coming...Hold on... Recovery Roads Repair coming in 2016

Please see the map of the Leonidas neighborhood from the Recovery Roads website: http://recoveryroads.nola.gov/Portals/0/LeonidasNeighborhood.pdf   

It shows what types of repairs are planned in this neighborhood.

The waterline replacements will happen in conjunction with the Recovery Roads work.

Repairs start SUMMER of 2016.

Thank you Cheryn Robles, City of New Orleans Department of Public Works,
for answering the Neighborhood's questions
about Roadway and Sewerage & Water Board repairs.

New LED Streetlights. Can we get some(more)?

Folks were raving about the moon this weekend and it was fabulous. But....
What if we could see the Night Sky and STARS everynight? And...
What if it cost the city less for us to do it?  LEDs last longer and cost less to run.

"Scientists have developed a new LED streetlight design to make stars more visible in the city." 

Image examining the spectrum of light pollution.
Photo Source: GASAN & IFLS. 

See details in BBC article:
"It should be seen as an investment for local authorities to install more efficient street lighting, which will save money and energy waste in the long-term.

"Design is great but councils have to follow through with investment."

FEMA Funds for Roadwork in Carrollton?

The City hosted a presentation in October 2013 on Street Repairs:

http://recoveryroads.nola.gov/Portals/0/Industry%20Day%20pres%20Oct%2025%202012%20FINAL.pdf

on p. 69 the "Road to Recovery Program" is outlined:

● This is part of a larger City-wide, multi-year infrastructure repair/recovery effort funded by FEMA.

 ● The intent of the Recovery Roads Program is to restore the roads and sidewalks in the City to their pre-Katrina condition. 
● Only damage directly attributed to Hurricane Katrina as determined by FEMA on minor (non-federal) streets is eligible for repair under this program. 
● This program will be managed on a neighborhood-by-neighborhood basis.

Though the intended audience was contractors and such – Neighborhoods have not been given a similar presentation.

Looks like the Carrollton Area is not included in the priority list for FEMA funded projects.

Although according to p.8, the Carrollton area is awaiting a "new PW [project worksheet]. So it may be that FEMA has not yet approved work for this area yet.

Yet p.71 says:

● All 72 neighborhood assessments have been completed as of Spring 2012.

So... are there funds or aren't their funds for Carrollton?

And for what kinds of "repairs"?

Visit http://recoveryroads.nola.gov/ for more detailed street projects information.

 

And, if you are still unsure, know that you are in good company.

Pothole Killer: Missing in Action????

 Below is a photo of the rare Pothole Killer taken on September 10, 2012
As I understand it the Pothole Killer covers specific parts of its natural range based on day of the week. District A - Monday, District B - Tuesday.....

As we have very large CRATERS in the 2800 block of Dante and as this photo was taken in the 2900 block of Dante, we were hopeful that since the environment is so rich in the 2900 & 2800 blocks of Dante that the Pothole Killer would return.

But alas it has not.  The Pothole Killer did not even kill the Pothole over which the photo shows it hovering.

So we are sending communications to the City which will include a link to this picture and see if we can entice the Pothole Killer back to NorthWest Carrollton.

S&W and Dept of Public Works Frustration

WILL PICTURES HELP?   <<< Click Link to see more.

From: NorthWest Carrollton Board Member

To: RecoveryRoads@nola.gov
Cc: SHead@cityofno.com, MarkD.Jernigan@nol.gov, csgrant@nola.gov,

Subject: ATTN: Charon

Date: Jul 30, 2012 1:34 PM
Attachments: SEE LINK

Good Day Charon: Subsequent to our conversation on Saturday at the Town Hall Meeting and a VM I left in the recent 1/2 hour, I am forwarding you the email chain regarding the catch basins we spoke about. As Ms. St. Martin indicates in her email, I have been working on this for the neighborhood for over three years. The problem has become insurmountable since the addition of the Roberts Market/Walgreens construction due to them being built up and the additional water flowing into Dublin and Nelson Streets. Please see listed catch basin below. In addition, I have also attached photographs of the areas effected by these non-functioning catch basins. Please email me back, or call me directly to let you know that you are in receipt of my request and with follow-up information on whether these have ever been on the "schedule" or when they will. I thank you for your time. It has been most difficult and exasperating to deal with DPW. I am hoping for better under the new management team. LOCATION OF CLOGGED CATCH BASINS SURROUNDING ROBERT’S GROCERY ON CLAIBORNE AND DUBLIN STREETS: CORNER CLAIBORNE AND DUBLIN , DUBLIN STREET, EAST SIDE CORNER CLAIBORNE AND DUBLIN, DUBLIN STREET, WEST SIDE DUBLIN STREET ENTRANCE TO ROBERTS MARKET 2420-2422 DUBLIN STREET, (AT THIS TIME, THIS ONE DRAINS) CORNER DUBLIN AND NELSON, DUBLIN STREET, WEST SIDE (AT THIS TIME, THIS ONE DRAINS) CORNER DUBLIN AND NELSON, DUBLIN STREET, EAST SIDE CORNER NELSON AND DUBLIN, NELSON STREET, SOUTH SIDE ADJACENT TO ROBERTS GROCERY CORNER NELSON AND DUBLIN, 8100 BLOCK OF NELSON, NORTH SIDE Kindest Regards, Northwest Carrollton Civic Association -----Original Message----- From: NorthWest Carrollton Board Member To: "<MSTMARTIN" <""<MSTMARTIN""@swbno.org>; csgrant <csgrant@nola.gov>; MarkD.Jernigan <MarkD.Jernigan@nola.gov> Cc: susang.guidrysgguidry <susang.guidrysgguidry@nola.gov>; jclarkson <jclarkson@cityofno.com>; SHead SHead@cityofno.com; Sent: Tue, Jul 24, 2012 8:12 am Subject: Fwd: CATCH BASINS SURROUNDING ROBERTS MARKET ON CLAIBORNE Mr. Jernigan: The email exchange below was forwarded for me to you, by Ms. St. Martin, yet I still have not heard back from anyone at Public Works, nor have the issues been addressed. I would like to know when the catch basins will be cleaned. The rain this week caused substantial flooding and was primarily due to the 6 of the 8 basins listed below that have not drained since pre Katrina. I have spent countless hours documenting the flooding and sending emails to the Public Works office...yes, when Mr. Mendoza was there...unfortunately, I received the same response as the one I have gotten from you. Nothing. Please either email me back or call me directly at (504) 975-8287 to discuss when we can expect some action and resolution from the Public Works Office. Northwest Carrollton Civic Association -----Original Message----- From: STMARTIN, Marcia <MSTMARTIN@swbno.org> To: NorthWest Carrollton Board Member Sent: Mon, Jul 16, 2012 9:38 pm Subject: FW: CATCH BASINS SURROUNDING ROBERTS MARKET ON CLAIBORNE Per your request Marcia Marcia A. St. Martin Executive Director Sewerage & Water Board of New Orleans 625 St. Joseph Street New Orleans, Louisiana 70165 504-585-2210 504-585-2448 ( Fax) From: STMARTIN, Marcia Sent: Monday, July 16, 2012 11:56 AM To: csgrant@nola.gov; Mark D. Jernigan Cc: BECKER, Joe Subject: FW: CATCH BASINS SURROUNDING ROBERTS MARKET ON CLAIBORNE Mark, SWB has forwarded this request to DPW numerous times over the last few years. Please respond to the citizen. Thanks Marcia Marcia A. St. Martin Executive Director Sewerage & Water Board of New Orleans 625 St. Joseph Street New Orleans, Louisiana 70165 504-585-2210 504-585-2448 ( Fax) From: NorthWest Carrollton Board Member Sent: Monday, July 16, 2012 9:49 AM To: STMARTIN, Marcia; susang.guidrysgguidry@nola.gov; jclarkson@cityofno.com; SHead@cityofno.com Cc: miguelhonduras@aol.com; marc@robertfreshmarket.com Subject: CATCH BASINS SURROUNDING ROBERTS MARKET ON CLAIBORNE Ms. St Martin: After yesterdays' rain, I am writing to ask that you have the following catch basins cleaned immediately. I have written to you and Mr. Medoza (I am aware he is no longer with the city offices) about these many times in the past and still have not gotten anything done. The area is flooding EVERY time it rains, no matter how fast or how hard the rain comes down. This is not due to the fact that the pumps can not handle the rain, as there are two drains that work...the ones listed below have NEVER drained and were NEVER cleaned after Katrina. I spend time cleaning the outside areas and have asked Roberts market in assisting me with the ones that surround their property. We will be working on this today. In my previous emails sent to you in the past several years, I have also attached photos. If you feel these are still necessary to get this issue addressed, please do not hesitate to ask and I will provide them. Please see the list below: If you have any questions you may reach me back via email at this address or call me directly at (504) 975-8287.LOCATION OF CLOGGED CATCH BASINS SURROUNDING ROBERT’S GROCERY ON CLAIBORNE AND DUBLIN STREETS: CORNER CLAIBORNE AND DUBLIN , DUBLIN STREET, EAST SIDE CORNER CLAIBORNE AND DUBLIN, DUBLIN STREET, WEST SIDE DUBLIN STREET ENTRANCE TO ROBERTS MARKET 2420-2422 DUBLIN STREET, (AT THIS TIME, THIS ONE DRAINS) CORNER DUBLIN AND NELSON, DUBLIN STREET, WEST SIDE (AT THIS TIME, THIS ONE DRAINS) CORNER DUBLIN AND NELSON, DUBLIN STREET, EAST SIDE CORNER NELSON AND DUBLIN, NELSON STREET, SOUTH SIDE ADJACENT TO ROBERTS GROCERY CORNER NELSON AND DUBLIN, 8100 BLOCK OF NELSON, NORTH SIDE Thank you for your immediate attention in this matter. Respectfully, Northwest Carrollton Civic Association

Parking Enforcement and the bigger picture

Sent to The Mayor and his representatives and City Council on

June 22

Sec. 106-215
No person may
Park cars or other vehicles on the sidewalk,
including the strip between the property line and the street curbing, (emphasis mine!)
without written permission of the parkway and park commission;

There is a law. At least we've cleared that up.
We do have a division of city government (which is not NOPD) that can and has quite effectively enforced parking regulations
(Jazzfest, Crescent City Classic to name a few).
The question still unanswered and on the table is what will it take to have this same arm of city government
respond to citizen complaints and enforce the law and minimally ticket the offenders?
Just this small act of ticketing the vehicle begins the education of the populace. Word of mouth works wonders.
Oh and, dare I remind all, can be a revenue generator.

Lest anyone think that we are simply being petty and have lost our ability to live and let live in this laissez faire city,
THIS IS ABOUT MORE THAN JUST PARKING CARS and "gentrification".
Have you watched the old lady in the walker or the guy with the cane, or the parent with the child in the stroller

have to make their way from the sidewalk to the street because of a parked car?
We "sell" (yes Mitch SELL) New Orleans as being a city of neighborhoods..... WALKABLE neighborhoods,
except you have to walk in the street.
For all new construction of corners for sidewalks the city is required by law to build wheelchair ramps
(why with huge tripping hazard bumps that I can barely manage, heaven help the lady with the walker or the guy with the cane, or the parent with a stroller)
and then these ramps are used like driveways so that people can park their vehicles on the sidewalk.

But there is still more.
Parking on the sidewalk and rolling over those horrible rollover curbs BREAKS the infrastructure,

the very precious, expensive to repair and replace infrastructure.

And I am NOT just talking about the curbs and the sidewalks.

I can and have sent pictures showing how illegal parking (as defined by law noted at the start of this note)

has resulted in broken Sewerage and Water Board infrastructure (the 8300 Block of Apricot has been for almost a year and continues to be a lovely example).

This broken infrastructure takes our tax dollars and increased S&W costs to repair.

And we all know about the state of the budgets of the city and S&W.

But there is still MORE.

Parking on the front lawn or the green space between the sidewalk and the street often results in this "green space" becoming paved space.

Did anyone listen when we had the Dutch Dialogues? Anyone? I know I did.

We are paving paradise. We are paving the very ground that can soak up the rain water, easing flooding risks and

provide places to plant trees that can help with the heat island affect and soak up the C02 that will only make the sea level rise higher and faster.

All these things are connected.

And there is a law on the books that allows an arm of the city to ticket and tow if necessary.

Why can't the city see that all these things are connected? Why can't the city enforce the laws, generate revenue in the process,

prevent damage to expensive to replace infrastructure, support COMPLETE STREETS which provide for walkable neighborhoods, help prevent flooding

and ..... well I think you get the picture.

It isn't going to solve world hunger of give us world peace.... but it is a SMART! long term approach to a solvable problem and that's a start.

Please consider allowing the same "city forces" that enforce parking regulation during special events to respond to citizen complaints regarding

repeat and blantant parking violations.

Yes this note is dripping in sarcasm. But like many who rallied to ensure that New Orleans rebounded from the PostKatrina levee failures

I have made calls to the Quality of Life Officer, asked for parking enforcement from Public Works, taken pictures of repeatedly reported S&W damage,

called Safety & Permits when illegal paving of entire front yards was taking place and put flyers on cars with the parking laws as communicated

to us by the NOPD...... and I'm not seeing things getting any better.

This solvable problem deserves more serious attention than the city as given it to this point.

Jenel Hazlett

8306 Pritchard Place

New Orleans, LA 70118

311 phone line now gives "tracking numbers" for some complaints

311 line is available weekdays from 8AM-5PM

Residents who call New Orleans 311 Hotline with the following issues now will have their complaints or inquiries automatically entered into a computerized work-order system and will get a tracking number for progress updates.  Additional categories are expected to be added by summer and an online component eventually will let residents check the status of work of orders online.

Public Works
Clogged catch basings and culverts
Damaged curbs, ramps, ditches, sidewalks & shoulders.
Subsidence
Missing Manhole covers
Abandoned Vehicles
Missing or Damaged Street Signs
Street Light - Bulbs only,  power to the pole is Entergy
Street Markings
Traffic Signals

Sanitation
Illegal dump sites
Requests for Bulky Waste pickup
Requests for new trash and recycling binsMissed trash or Recycling pickups
Trash services request requests and cancellations
Billing problems, including exemption, refund or adjustment requests

Code Enforcement
Case Updates
Inspection Requests

Registration for the city-assisted Evacuation Plan





See Times Picayune Article in full below:
New Orleans complaint calls to city hotline get new attention

Residents who call New Orleans' 311 hotline to report nuisances such as potholes, clogged catch basins, broken street lights or missed trash pick-ups now will have their complaints automatically entered into the city's computerized work-order system and receive a tracking number they can use to get progress updates. Starting last week, Mayor Mitch Landrieu's administration began implementing the automated system for several of the most common problems handled by three departments: Public Works, Sanitation and Code Enforcement.

 

"Those categories are the ones with the most quality-of-life service requests," mayoral spokesman Ryan Berni said.
Registration for the city-assisted evacuation program -- which provides hurricane evacuees free bus rides from 17 neighborhood pickup spots to the Union Passenger Terminal, and from there to public shelters -- also is part of the system.
The Landrieu administration put the new technology into place with little fanfare, a deliberate move designed to give officials a chance to work out kinks.
Ultimately, the bulk of resident complaints and inquiries will be managed through the automated system, with most departments expected to be connected by this summer, Berni said. Until now, all calls to 311 have been handled via "warm transfer," meaning an operator receives a complaint, then forwards the caller to a receptionist in the proper department, Berni said.

But while some departments, such as Parks & Parkways, have been complimented for their ability to keep residents apprised of their work, most are unable to give accurate status updates.

Even the new system won't provide up-to-the-minute details on every work order, Berni said, but residents can expect to get far more information than generally has been available.
With a tracking number, the city's 10 311 operators "would be able to tell you (a request) had been transmitted to the department and give you a general understanding about the time frame of when to you will hear something further," he said, adding that operators will continue to man the 311 lines on weekdays from 8 a.m. to 5 p.m.

Eventually, the new system is expected to have an online component so residents can check the status of a work order online, day or night, Berni said.

The administration also plans to track how well the new system operates. The mayor's new Office of Performance and Accountability, which grades city departments, will provide updates on the tracking effort during monthly meetings, officials have said.
The new system uses software procured under a contract that Landrieu signed last year with California-based Lagan Technologies Inc. The city will pay $212,800 for the first year of service, with a one-year option to renew software licenses for about $51,000, records show.

Michelle Krupa can be reached at mkrupa@timespicayune.com or 504.826.3312.

Thank you Times Picayune .... Watch the SELA Projects

Wow!  I was speechless for a minute...
Please take a look at today's Times Picayune Opinion piece.
Looks like they too think there might be a problem with the planning for the SELA Projects.

The U.S. Army Corps of Engineers says its computer modeling confirms that planned underground drainage improvements in Uptown New Orleans won't worsen flooding in nearby Hollygrove. But a history of flooding along a section of Hollygrove's Monticello Canal explains the concerns from residents and Jefferson Parish authorities.

Upcoming drainage improvements Uptown are raising concerns about potential flooding in Hollygrove.

That's why it's important that corps and New Orleans officials keep a close eye on the Monticello Canal as the drainage project advances, and they need to be ready to make improvements to the canal if needed.

Crews are soon expected to start the first phase of a $427 million project to build almost six miles of new underground drainage canals Uptown. The work includes building concrete canals under South Claiborne Avenue between Monticello Avenue and Leonidas Street; under Napoleon Avenue between South Claiborne Avenue and Carondelet Street; and along Louisiana and Jefferson avenues and Prytania Street.

Hollygrove residents fear that the increased drainage capacity Uptown will cause water to rise more quickly in the Monticello Canal, along the Orleans-Jefferson parish line. In recent downpours, water has overflowed the canal's banks on the Orleans side, which, unlike the Jefferson Parish bank, lacks a levee and floodwall.

Officials said the corps' modeling indicates the flow of water in the Monticello Canal will increase about one foot during a 10-year storm, but that the canal will not overflow. In addition, the corps has acknowledged that a bottleneck in a culvert at Airline Drive, known as Hoey's Cut, may back water up into the canal south of that location.

Considering that the canal has overflowed in recent rains, it's understandable that residents fear the additional flow of water from the added drainage Uptown.

Jefferson Parish officials are also worried. They asked the corps to expand its computer modeling to see whether the projected one-foot water rise in the Monticello Canal would create flooding problems at Hoey's Cut. That analysis is expected soon, and officials in both parishes need to work
together to address those concerns.

The long-term solution requires improving the flow of water at Hoey's Cut. The state has committed $1.8 million for that effort, but the likely cost is $20.5 million. City Councilwoman Susan Guidry, whose district includes the area, said that until that funding is secured she wants the Monticello Canal north of Airline Drive to be widened and an earthen levee on the Orleans Parish side hardened with concrete. That's a reasonable proposal.

The drainage work Uptown is needed, and it's good that officials are launching that effort. But they need to make sure the work won't hurt residents near the canal.

Earhart Traffic Cameras

This article in the Times Picayune says the Traffic Cameras at Earhart and Carrollton are OFF.
And they were during the Earhart Construction that took place during much of 2011.....
BUT the construction is complete AND have no doubt that they will be turned back on.
YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.....

And please keep an eye out for the Photo Enforced signs...
The city has to tell you they are going to take a photo. So be smart and slow down.

See the graphic from the Times Picayune article below.
I know of at least one camera (Prytania between Jackson & Washington) that is NOT shown on the graphic.  IF there is one then there are others and cameras are added all the time.

Reporting Street Light Outages

Public Works requests that everyone call Public Works’ Street Call Center to report outages.
The number is 504-658-8080. 
We've been told that you'll talk to a live person to open a work order.
 

Earhart Overlay - Finally - Vote is TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 28, 2010

ZONING DOCKET 86-10 - Request by CITY COUNCIL MOTION M-10-343 for a Text Amendment to the Comprehensive Zoning Ordinance, No. 4,264 M.C.S., as amended, as well as the appropriate corresponding map changes to the official zoning base maps of the City of New Orleans, to amend Article 10, Section 10.3A “Inner City Urban Corridor District” to expand the area of applicability under section 10.3A.2 to include item (e) “Those lots or developments fronting on Earhart Boulevard in the area generally bounded by Jefferson Davis Parkway, Monticello Street, Forshey Street, and Pritchard Place.” (PD 3, 4)

Chris Rose says it for us - AGAIN, this time on DRAINS

This was a topic with Council Member Susan Guidry at our September 1 Neighborhood Meeting. Thank you Chris!

Fantasy On Ice by Chris Rose
Where are our Zambonis?

  I got to thinking about those big, lumbering ice resurfacing machines when the TV station I work for, WVUE, broke a story last week citing a backlog of 607 complaints filed with the New Orleans Department of Public Works about blocked and clogged storm drains.

First of all, I believe the actual number of clogged drains is significantly higher than 607 because I'm sure I'm not the only resident who long ago gave up on trying to get someone from the city to come clean drains where I live.

  Long ago.

  Over the years, getting the city to come clean out my storm drains began to seem as likely as getting someone from the sanitation department to come over and sweep the dust bunnies from underneath my bed. Just ain't gonna happen.

  Getting your storm drains cleaned around here sort of reminds me of the lottery; you hear about it happening, but it never happens to you. Or anyone you know. You just take it on faith that it's happening. Somewhere.

  Anywhere but here.

  For the past decade, it's been my habit — when there is news of a storm brewing in the Gulf of Mexico — to grab a shovel and a long wooden pole and head out to my street to try and do the job myself, fruitlessly digging and poking, trying to open up some small passageway where water might escape underneath our streets.

  It's messy work, and it's rarely effective. The mud, branches, go-cups, litter and occasional missing persons that fill our storm drains are generally a solid and impenetrable muck that one man with a shovel is unlikely to defeat.

  Now, in a city that lies largely below sea level, you might think storm drain maintenance would be a high priority. You might think.

  Yet, to do this job, the city possesses just two heavy-duty storm drain vacuum cleaners. Two! As I noted last week, New Orleans having just two storm drain cleaners seems akin to North Dakota having just two snow plows to clear its streets in winter.

  I believe that's also the number of Pothole Killers the city owns — those alien-looking machines that resemble worker bees from the Mother Ship in War of the Worlds, spitting some strange melange of gravel-glue into our potholes and generally making a mess of the streets and sending tons of little rocks and cement chunks into our storm drains. Clogging them.

  And this would be funny, were it so decidedly not.

  I saw one of the Pothole Killers drive down my street about a year ago, never to be seen again. I have this image of them parked next to the storm drain vacuums in a city lot somewhere, locked behind a chain-link fence because the city laid off the mechanics who kept them running.

  This is, let me state for the record, sheer speculation. Either that, or the driver of one of them stopped to get a Coke somewhere and the parking enforcement people booted the vehicle.

  And maybe it was the thought of winter storms — I can't really say — that made me think of the Zambonis. If I remember correctly, there were two — the magic number! — down at the Municipal Auditorium back in the days when the New Orleans Brass hockey team played there.

  For all I know, they're still down in some dark nook or cranny of that building which, as the years pass, begins to resemble more or less the set of The Phantom of the Opera, and God knows who or what lives in that building now.

  I don't know, maybe I'm the only one who thinks it's almost funny that New Orleans has as many Zambonis as it does storm drain cleaners and pothole fillers.

  Almost.

  I went on the Zamboni website — yes, there is one, all things Zamboni — to see if I could learn anything about retrofitting the vehicles to do things like vacuum storm drains or smooth over potholes, but I had no luck.

  It all makes me nostalgic, remembering how a bright, young entreprenuer managed to convince the city back in the '90s that what it needed was a hockey team which, of course, was a ludicrous idea from the start — and that's how it is that we managed to end up with a pair of idled Zambonis somewhere in this city, to go along with our pair of Pothole Killers and storm drain vacuum cleaners.

  You could tell this bright, eager young huckster was cut out for big things, a man of inventive wit and ambitious ideas, very few of which — other than a hockey team and two Zambonis — ever materialized.

  His name was Ray Nagin.